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Turntable 04/28/2014

4/28/2014

ATTENTION: WANTED!!!

MAXWELL EDISON!  Armed and dangerous! His weapon of choice - A Silver hammer! Max has been seen hanging out with his 3 accomplices, all of whom are guilty of various robberies and theft, in the Seattle "academic" area. Man - Just when you think you want to visit Seattle and now you got this nut job loose on the streets hammering people on the head with his little silver hammer!

Police chief:  "Although all in this group of villains are guilty of various offenses it is Maxwell that we are most concerned with. Max may be a medical student but we are not sure at this time. He has learned to disguise himself so well that it is difficult to spot him. Professors are a favorite target of this villain." You might find Max sitting in the front row in any of your classes. Wide, empty, beady eyes staring up at you with a slight smile on his face appearing to know something you don't!  Kind of curls your toes doesn't it Westy.  "Max was captured in a previous arrest and brought to trial. Then, in the midst of the courtroom activity, Max's "fan club" of young girls loudly profess his innocence . . . in the disruption and confusion that follows, Max amazingly kills the judge and escapes. If you recognize any of the villains in the following video please report it immediately to the local Seattle police! Listen carefully to the trail of murders he is professed to have committed.

Detained!!! They just captured and detained one of the felons. He's in custody and being interrogated. He's ratting out MAX for a reduced sentence and my God!, what a comprehensive description!!! The authorities must be ecstatic over the massive amount of descriptive information gathered. With this lucky break, location and capture seem certain. Here's a video of his unorthodox deposition!

THEY CAPTURED MAX!  (really? on that description??) . . Authorities say it was definitely the detainees deposition that helped locate and capture Max. Authorities indicate the following pieces of descriptive information were critical in the positive identification process. . Having "feet below his knees" "joo joo eyeballs" and "monkey finger" were most important in the identification process.

Captured, but what's the difference? Nobody gets punished these days. Too many ways torehabilitate the misguided or mismanaged elements of society.  If they want help all they have to do is ask!

So Max asked!  Pleading that he couldn't help himself. He said he was an orphan as a child, had been homeless for the past 10 years, and had recently lost his bus pass! Listen as Max pleads for help!

SENTENCING - Needless to say, this time they took maximum security into consideration during his arraignment and trial. Convicted! No execution but Max, at 21, is sentenced to 43 years in prison. So he will be gone a long time . . . a really long time! As they took him out of the courtroom in handcuffs he was heard saying to his wife! "Honey, I'll be gone a long time and I'd like to ask"

Overheard public conversation
Soooo . . think this guy will get visitation rights? Well, I don't know but - Hey! do you think there are any other nut jobs in the Seattle area? Well there might be a prof or two! You know those guys are a bit daf . . .

Till Next Week

Harv

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Turntable 04/21/2014

4/21/2014

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Somewhere On the Oregon Trail in 1874 heading for California there is a group of pioneers. Wagons circled for the night, dinner done, horses and equipment secured, sentry guards posted and a huge bonfire set. A long flat wagon now pulls near the bonfire. That's where the entertainment and todays progress report will be held. Parents are sitting on anything they can bring along or find . . most kids are lying in the grass with great anticipation and excitement for the coming event. Let's listen in.

SharonM - "Oh boy Tom! this is my favorite part of the day. The campfire is really roaring, nice cool breeze and the sweet smell of clover in the air. It looks like they're going to start tonight's program with a song! Shhhh! they're starting!"

SharonM - "I just love those guys. What? Who are they? NickN, BobW and JohnT - they call themselves the The Kings Trio! Last names? Well I think it's Nick Nitka, Bob Warrens and John Torrison . . . at least I think thats right. They say when we get to California they plan to perform in the saloons, Hotels and city gambeling spots. I like JohnT the best . . he's the main guy with the short hair and plays the guitar." TomW - "Think they can get paid for it???" SharonM - "Heck I don't know . . . I'd pay if I had the money!!"

TomW - "Hush Sharon - DannyH, our group leader, is coming out to tell us what happened on the trail today!"

DanH - "I am happy to say that we made 21 miles on our journey today. I suspect it's because we crossed no rivers, had no overflowing creeks to get stuck in and . . . Jose ran out of beer two days ago. Tonights campsite is just about perfect. Plenty of water and no indian sightings. That's about it. We're leaving at sun-up. Enjoy the evening."

Sharon - "Quiet now, the group is back to sing another song."

JohnT (intro) - "I'd like to tell you about another trail I traveled many years ago. It was in the south part of the country. The landscape looked nothing like this. Dry, barren, sand blowing in your face and HOT I mean really HOT. We had been out there 5 days and not a spot of water to be found. We would have been OK but Nick over there . . . Mr. butterfingers, dropped the water bag. I was pretty sure we were all goners but then we came across a really strange situation. It, for sure, taxed our ability to reason because we were thirsty and I mean deadly thirsty."

Sharon - "Wow, those guys almost died! What would you do Tommy drink the water in the can, or prime the pump?" TomW - "I would have left Nick home." SharonM - "Hold on the're about to start again!"

JohnMag (Intro)- "I'm sure we have all heard of "Custer's Last Stand"! It was officially known as the Battle of the Little Bighorn June 25, 1876 Happened in Eastern Montana. Much has been written about the brave young men in Custer's army. Just let me say, they weren't all totally brave. There was one young sole . . . let me see . . . I think his name was "Chicken" . . yup that's it, "Henry Chicken" who was not enthusiastic about the upcoming fight. Take a listen!"

SharonM - Wow! I would have been scared too! All those Indians and especially "Sitting Bull" he was supposed to be a "mighty warrior".   TomW - "Not me . . not a long as I have my trusty pocket knife!" SharonM - "Tom you couldn't defend yourself with that little pocket knife! What are you thinking? I'll tell you what you could do, why don't you carve me a doll?"TomW - "I don't have no time for that kind of girly stuff.
I have more important things to do with my time! " SharonM - "I bet Dick'o would. He said he was going to marry me in two years when I'm 12! What do you think of that???" TomW -"I think Dick'o will be going to the jail'o". . SharonM - "Oh hush Tom, you don't know nothin!"

SharonM - "My, my will you look at that. The fire is just blazing up tonight. Look how everybodys face glows in the light. Just a cool whisper of air taking the embers into the black sky. Must be a million stars up there. I always look forward to the last song of the evening. Oh look! John Denver is going to sing!

JohnT  (Intro)  "Last song tonight . . . We have a special guest this evening. His name is John Denver. He will be singing a song he recently wrote. Although the song was written to his wife whom he had to leave behind on this trip, he thinks it will give us all strength as we travel this difficult trail to California.

DanH - "OK everybody, that's it for tonight. Get a good nights sleep. We're out early tomorrow. Our scouts say we have 2 fairly challenging rivers to cross so we'll need everyone at their best! Oh! and thanks for the entertainment boys! Great music. You guys will do well in California!"

Hey Kenny, check to see that the horses are secure and make sure that fire is . . .

Till Next Week

Harv

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A Tribute to Robert Ohlhues departed

4/14/2014

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Our good friend and fellow Coachmen Bob Ohlhues passed into our fond memories last week. Big smile, bigger laugh, loved the Big Bopper and loved life! We'll miss him!

Well, my good friend, here's to you. A sip of Irish Whisky and lovely Scottish music!

departed April 10, 2014

Seattle . . . what a beautiful place. Someday I'm going to visit Seattle!

Ever been to Seattle?? I haven't! But my impression is that it rains a lot there. Really! . . a lot!! I guess it has something to do with the position of Seattle in regard to the Pacific Ocean. It's a "marine climate" so it rains. OK, If it's so rainy who would want to live there? Who likes rainy weather anyway???

Seattle is located between the saltwater Puget Sound . . (an arm of the Pacific Ocean). . to the west and Lake Washington to the east. The city's chief harbor, Elliott Bay, is part of the Puget Sound, which makes the city an oceanic port.

To the west, beyond Puget Sound, are the Kitsap Peninsula and the beautiful Olympic Mountains on the Olympic Peninsula:

To the east, beyond Lake Washington and the eastside suburbs, are Lake Sammamish and the Cascade Range.

The surrounding area lends itself to sailing, skiing, bicycling, camping, and hiking year-round. That covers daytime . . . but with a cloudy/rainy climate . . . you wonder . . . is there a nightlife in Seattle?? . . . Ask anyone there! They'll say . . .

So it's the rainiest city in the country right??? Rainy? YES . . not the rainiest. The city with the most annual rainfall is Mobile, Alabama. Seattle isn't even in the top 10 rainiest cities in the country. It's not the foggiest either. But it is the most cloudy city in the country. 226 cloudy days per year on average. The next most cloudy city is Portland with 222 cloudy days on average per year. That's a lot of clouds!!!

So what if there is a little rain from time to time. Who cares if there are clouds in the sky. Eventually it clears up and then the sun comes out! And WOW it's spectacular!!

Seattle . . . it's on my list!

Till Next Week

Harv

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Turntable 04/07/2014

4/7/2014

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Bob Ohlhues email address is/ bjohl@new.rr.com /please add him to your Coachmen group. With that . . . Welcome Bob! . . . Today . . this song is for you

Take a moment to send Bob an email. I'm sure he would welcome hearing from you. I will send a complete updated Coachmen list momentarily.

Oh Boy! High School! Dating, dancing, bonfires at the beach, all the fun stuff we dreamt about in grade school. But wait! First you must have a girlfriend right?? How the heck do you do that? Well, as we discovered, plenty of friendly companies selling grooming aids are just dying to show us how to "Get the Girl"!

Remember Aqua Velva? That fragrance almost certainly will attract the girls! And magical stuff it was! REALLY INTENSE!! As they say . . "there's something about an Aqua Velva Man! "Boy oh Boy" I just can't wait to get my hands on a bottle of that stuff. Just witness the commercial!

I think just about every guy in highschool used Aqua Velva. (except JL . . . he drank it!)

"In our minds" we would go to the beach and immediately become the center of attention . . . of course that assumed we were upwind of all those cute gals. Here's how it looked "in our minds". And yes, the girls "eyes" and "poses" were all for us! Oh My! . . . I just can't decide!

Of course then reality came along and slammed us to the ground. Those girls were Not Real! Somebody must have blown em' up and placed them on the beach to screw with our heads. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted! So if Aqua Velva doesn't work . . . what will??? Old Spice! - your backup when Aqua Velva just won't get the job done.

OK . . now we're getting somewhere! Old Spice must be the best . . . they have laboratories and everything!!! I'm going to "spice up my life" and "give my shave a happy ending"(when I start shaving . . of course) Can't be bad that the stuff is "good for my skin" (girls love that) . . . I think. Now that I have that "bright and tangy ocean spray scent" . . . what am I going to do with it??? I think I'll try some "romantic slow dancing" maybe at Timber Lodge!!!

Nope that didn't work. And I clearly remember really splashing that Old Spice on everything clear down to my naval.

Now it's time to get serious and call in the big guns! English Leather!!! Ok this stuff is really expensive (way more than a dollar) but after checking out the commercial I'm ready to sell my car for it!!! Like the commercial says . . . if . . . I'm gonna do it . . . then I'm gonna"do it right"!
Why??? because it "Drives women crazy" Don't believe me? Just look at the commercial!

Question now is "how to handle yourself with this deadly new scent!" Well, so far nothing has worked and one can't depend on that "Leathery" scent to do the entire job by itself. I know! I'll use the same technique those English guys use! "Pleading"!!!

"I give up!!! None of that stuff worked." . . . Although checking back on the documentation from each of the mens fragrances it was hard to place the blame there. Anyway I'm giving up! I'm gonna go out and just be me! I'll stop looking for a "girlfriend" and see if I can find a "girl" "friend".

Guess what? That worked. I think we just need to be ourselves!

Till Next Week

Harv

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