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Turntable 09/29/2014

9/29/2014

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The Cars
The Music
The 50's
Till Next Week

Harv

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Turntable 09222014

9/22/2014

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                          Farewell to summer 2014!
Hey!  I was just thinkin', what if birds could be transformed . . .  to be more like people?  


Looking at the cattails in the back yard bordering our pond, I see red wing blackbirds swinging back and forth on top of those tallest spires. Little sparrows, robins and wrens are among them.  They're all hard little workers, flying back and forth, building their nests, walking in the grassy areas of the backyard finding worms or insects to eat.  They live off the land and each day they must keep working to stay alive.  These little guys have never had the opportunity to collect extra food or take a break.  No sir, each day they must do it all over again!  Staying alive is work!

Amazingly with all that pressure they still find time to build nests . . .  only to find them occasionally flooded by heavy rainstorms that raise the level of the pond. And yet family'sare created, food is found and it all seems to work.  
 
We, on the other hand, do not need to work every day to stay alive.  We have the ability to RETIRE, maintaining ourselves quite nicely for years without ever "having to work".  Of course this is because we saved during the time we were gainfully employed.  There must be a way to help those little birdies out!  What if birds could be changed to be more like people???

They're doing some mighty interesting things with stem cells and bioengineering.  Seems it's all happening so fast.  Let's just suppose that birds could be"modified" to be more "like people".   If you ask a "bio-engineer" he'll tell you "anything is possible". OK!, what might be the consequence if birds were bioengineered to be more like people? Well, the good part is that they could,   like us,   save during their "productive years" and retire".  They could have a long and satisfying life. . .  So how would that change MY view of the pond?  

Let's assume the bioengineering of birds has taken place.   Now lets step into that strange world! How do they make a living, how does the change affect the environment?  What are the consequences?

As new productive members of society they must now work, save and invest so they too can some day retire.  What kind of work are they doing??? Well, since birds spent most of their previous lives singing, many of them now "Sing professionally  for a living".   Some super successful birds have become exceedingly wealthy! Thousands of birds around the world have become famous.  Many have taken names of "our popular artists".   

It was "interesting" and unique in the early years seeing the birds change their lives to the better! Ornithologists and Environmentalists were ecstatic with the results!  The REAL problem came years later.  Now that birds have their own personal medicare, medicaid and social security,  the bird population of the world has expanded to an absolute unreasonableand totally unacceptable level!  For the birds "It's Great!"  For the rest of us "It's a total nightmare"!!!!!

For example, we now have a "Jerry Lee Lewis" bird in our own backyard!  "Bird Jerry Lee's" nest is over 50 feet high so forget about seeing the pond.  Oh!, and Sleep?  Before birds made the dramatic change I used to leave the windows open, listen to soft chirping sounds and be lulled to sleep.  Not any more!  No sir!  Not with "Birdie Jerry Lee" and his 60,000 member fan club in my backyard.  He performs nightly!  Some of his performances are downright dangerous!  I mean burning his piano? Who knew birds could do that? And the audience reaction?? They think its FUN!!!  Last week "Birdie Jerry Lee" performed an all nighter in the back yard with "Birdie Chuck Berry".   Over 75,000 fat little birdies in attendance wanting to witness the friction between Jerry and Chuck!  What a Mess!!!  
OK . . .  We now have a BIG PROBLEM!!!  With BILLIONS of birds in the world,  the planet has now become INTOLERABLY crowded!!  It should be clear that the situation is out of hand and needs to be dealt with ! The bird kingdom now threatens to expand to a point that WE will soon be crowded out of our own planet!!!  Would it be the end of civilization as we know it? . . . Well, not if you ask a biotechnologist or scientist!  Theyalways seem to have the right answer!  

So now a solution is presented by a Renowned Scientist!  (In my mind this guy is questionable (AT BEST))!!!   HE can't even control his own personally invented artificial right arm. . . .  DOES HE SEEM CREDIBLE TO YOU???  His answer is just blow up the world and start over"!!!  "The Nuclear Option!"   

This Scientist proposes that a "computer selected" subset of the population,  begin anew, deep in mine shafts prior to the annihilation of  mankind.  Sometime in the distant (safe) future they would emerge to start civilization over . .   thus . .  insuring the survival of the human race!  How Nice!!!  

Let's join the discussion as this crazy bastard discusses the process!  Does it seem to you that the military and politicians present become more interested as the strategy unfolds???  Oh . . . incidentally . . .  I think I could have built an artificial arm that works better than his!!!)
We. . .  trusting our scientists/technologists in spite of their blunders . . . . would accept the recommendation.  As the end nears we might find Countries arguing over who in the world will have the deepest most survivable mine shafts thus allowing them to "prevail" in the New World.  This would be especially true for the (SUPERPOWERS) . . . The US and Russia.  Witness the "utter stupidity" preceding the "End of humanity". . . .  Who will "Survive" and emerge FIRST . .   the Russian's or the US??  Are SUPER mineshafts the answer????  Whose will be the "largest" "deepest"  does it matter???
Joan  "Hey honey!  Come look at the darling little red wing blackbird swaying back and forth on that tall cattail in our backyard!"  Me  "OK hon . . .  I'll be right there!"

Till Next Week 

Harv

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Turntable 09/15/2014

9/15/2014

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                                "Life is a Highway" 

The Dream!
Wow! what a great life!  I narrate this as I peer out the windshield of our 42 foot RV.  Joan & I are traveling down the highway at approximately 65 miles per hour. The ride is like gliding on a cloud.  Where are we?  Well, we're somewhere in Montana.  The scenery is absolutely gorgeous! We're heading to Red Lodge, MT just south of Billings. .  and . .   We are having a ball!  


Took a lot of guts to sell the house, the furniture, our biggest car and rid ourselves of all the extra clothing, the snowblower (won't miss that)  the  lawn mower (won't miss that either) and all the STUFF that anchored us to our former working lives.  It's really refreshing and liberating to be free! Free to explore the country . .  God's Country! with no ties or obligations!  The RV lifestyle is exactly what retirement should be.  

Our RV was carefully selected to meet our every need.  I spent a lot of time researching the to get exactly the right unit.  The Pace Arrow!  For those of you who are unfamiliar with RV's the Pace Arrow is the Cadillac of RV's.  People stare at you as you cruise down the freeway - they wave at you in cities as you pass.  You know they wish they were you!  But there not!  No Sir. YOU are you . . . and YOU own a Pace Arrow RV!!!

(Joan)  "John, did you see that?   It was a sign that said 15 mile to Helena!"  (Me) "What? No that can't be correct honey, Helena is 250 miles northwest of Billings and even further from Red lodge.  I believe if you take another look at your map you will see that we are "indeed" on the correct route.  Now if you don't mind I'm narrating the report I plan to publish to all those folks who just can't wait to be in our shoes.  You know, traveling around in an RV and all that!"

Ah . . . where was I . . . oh yah . .  the Pace Arrow - best rated RV on the market.  Retails for $262,000.  A sampling of accessories include cruise, power steering, power brakes, backup camera, stereo system, dish TV, 21 inch flat screen, built in power vacuum system, microwave, dual convection oven, on board power generator, fireplace, electric heated (fold flat) side rearview mirrors, heated (and cooled) seats, trash compactor, dishwasher, Power awning (both sides), power side extenders (for both bedroom and living area) dual wheels, power assist V8 engine with fuel injection, "the ultimate power leveling system" and a complete up to date Navigation system.  I'm probably forgetting something but let's just say it's "well equipped" 

(Joan)  "JOHN! I think we" . . . (Me) "Honey!  Please don't interrupt!  Can't you see I'm busy here?"  (Joan)  "Well I wanted to tell you that we just passed a sign that says Helena 8 miles!" (Me)  "Can't be!!, we've been following the Nav system for the past 2 days.  It was all checked before we left!  I'm sure we are on the proper route.  Please just relax and stop interrupting!"

Now where was I.  Oh Ya . . . wouldn't want any of that equipment to malfunction so I'd neverthink of  leaving without making sure everything was in order.  I took it in to the dealer before we left and put it through a 136 point checkup to insure "Absolute total safety and confident drivability" This should be done once each year (according to the dealer) to insure "total trouble free operation". The checkup cost $1,800.00 (more if issues are found)  but worth every penny.  For sure!  

(Joan)   "JOHN!  . .  Did you see that sign???"  (Me) "What sign?"  (Joan)  "The one that says "Welcome to Helena" population 29,134."  (Me) "Shit!!!  That's impossible!!!  The navigation system says we're ahhhh . . .  in Wyoming?  What the???  Damm!!!  This piece of crap must be out of order!!!  We're 250 miles out of our way!"  (Joan)  "Remember just outside of Billings when I told you to turn left and you insisted that we turn right? . . .  (Me)  "Ok! Ok! it was a forgivable error since "I WAS following our "tuned up" Navigation system"  which is taking us to who the hell knows where!!! Damm!!"  (Joan)  "We'll I told you" . . . (Me)  "OK! OK! let's just get some gas and turn around.  Look . . . there's a Shell station right over there!  I'll just pull in and ". . . (Joan)  "Look out!!!  You're never going to get under that canopy!!!"  . . . . .  So now we hear a deafening scraping noise and the attendant is running toward the RV waving his hands saying "The RV fill up is over there!!!  

Oh well, there wasn't enough damage to to their canopy to get the station folks excited.  Maybe $500 to $1000 in damages to the RV.   Mostly just visual stuff . . . you know . . . "nothing that would hurt the running of it".  I won't claim anything from the Insurance company . . . mostly because I have $1,500 deductible.  I chose that to save money.  

So I'm standing there pumping gas in the RV for our recovery trip.  We went a long way so it's taking some time to fill it up.  (Me) "Hey Joan, how about taking over here while I do a quick pit stop and pick up a pop and a couple of candy bars?"  (Joan)  "OK, where are the gas gloves?"  (Me) "Gas gloves! . . . What the heck are you talking about???"  (Joan)  "Well I just assumed you wouldn't want to get gas on your hands so I figured you'd have gloves for that!" (Me) "Sorry honey no "gas gloves" . . . here's some paper toweling . . .  that should work! I'll be back in a little bit"   

I pick up the pop and a couple of snickers and as I walk out the station's door the attendant approaches me and says "Ahhh . . . as I walked past your RV I think I saw a tiny gas leak . . . you might want to get that checked"  (I say) "OK! and return to the RV - Joan is inside so we should be ready to go.  


(I say to Joan) . . . "Well what are the damages?"  (Joan says) - "$490.80!  (Me)"WHAT????"  (Joan says) "Well we have been going uphill all day against a pretty stiff headwind.   We've been getting just slightly better than 3.5mpg.  We travelled over 420 miles since leaving North Dakota this morning and gas is $4.09 per gallon.  I asked another RV driver why gas is so expensive here?"  (He said) "You're in Helena MT honey, most people ride horses around here so they jack the prices up to make up for the lack of volume! The people of Helena and the State of Montana thank you for your contribution" . . . .  Then he drove off."

It was a "Very Long Day" but we've finally reached our original destination . . . the RV park in Red Lodge.  We came in late so only the premium spots were left.  Our slot cost $197.00.  That's a lot but it comes with Cable, all the channels, high speed internet, LP gas hookup  . . . the list goes on!  Only problem is it's already 1:15AM and we're leaving early tomorrow.  

As I lay there trying to go to sleep I'm pondering the wisdom of my decisions since I retired. Could it be that I made a slight miscalculation? Could it be that I should have kept the house and just settled for a little less RV?  No!  Definitely not!  It's "all in" or "nothing"!  That's the way I roll!!!

Well . . . time has passed.  That trip was 15 years ago.  

The Reality!
Can't say things have been a lot better.  I remember the Nav system had to be replaced back then. Repairs cost me over $3,500.  Of course I am getting better mileage now the gas tank has been replaced. Today, under similar circumstances, we get about 5mpg.   

Let's face it!!!  We've thought about selling the RV and buying a home.  Problem is  while houses have gone up in value our RV has gone down (about 50%) since we started our ADVENTURE. We're stuck!!  Gas prices keep going up, RV Parks keep getting rattier!  RV Park prices are going up too!  Hooking up, Unhooking,  flushing the septic system trying to maintain some privacy while everyone in the park is "just hankering to get to know you" Maintenance issues . . . (when your RV is in the shop . . . so are you!!!)  Oh, and finding a parking place is a total "adventure" in itself. All our acquaintances ask us "where do you keep your gun"???  

Frankly I yearn for our old home.  IT never moved, rattled or required a tire change in the middle of the night.  I don't remember ever having an empty beer can hit our house in the middle of the night or hearing some drunk yell out "I gotta pee!!  I gotta pee right now!!!". . . has anybody seen my pants????            

I guess the fun will continue until we run out of money.  Here's a tip!  If you have a hankering to get an RV when you retire. . .  why don't you save yourself some money.  "Just jump into a pit of quicksand . .  and. . enjoy the ride!!!"

I kept a diary and have taken pictures along the way for the past 2 years.  Here's equipment that others have chosen for their travel in retirement.  Don't laugh . . . these guys are the smart ones!!!
Till Next Week


Harv


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Turntable 09082014

9/8/2014

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  Finally back from Vacation! Here's Wishing each of you 
                          "The Best Day of  YOUR  Life"
My Dad was a musician.  Played the trombone in bands in the midwest before he met Mom. Many of our Coachmen group have fathers who played in bands.  Playing in a band is one thing, having music in your bones, well that's special!  Doesn't make any difference what kind of music it is, if it's good, it's appreciated!  Check closely, I think you will find that your Dads (and Moms) who were musically inclined,  felt the same way.  

I remember as a child of about 7 living in Tennessee.  It was 1948 and those summers were HOT! Many Churches had no air conditioning so windows and doors were kept open. We'd be out for a drive after Church on Sunday and Dad would stop by a specific Negro Church and park in front.  Mom, Dad and five of us kids in the car.  He'd say, "roll down the windows and listen".  Man!  those Negro folks knew how to sing! Some of the finest sounds I ever heard came out of those open church doors.   To me, it was a Revival!  Everyone in that Church was singing, clapping and totally immersed in the moment.  We'd stay as long as we could but Mom would finally convince Dad to "move on". 
Remember "Tent Revivals"?  Prevalent in the "old south",  most of those revivals had short life spans. Many less than a week. Back in the late 1800's and early 1900's when a "Tent Revival" came to town everybody showed up. The Revival groups milked the townsfolk  for whatever they could get and "got out of Dodge!". To be fair though, they planted a bit of "Religion" into everyone who attended.
Here's another (more recent example of  Revival . . . ahhh . . .  Concert from 2012
It is apparent to me that enthusiastic participation in revivals has been with us for years and looks to be as strong as ever!  Maybe stronger!  Revivals! . . . You gotta love'em!


Till Next Week


Harv
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                       A Tribute to                                             Daniel A Hoffman                                            departed   

9/1/2014

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          Dan Hoffman . . .  Passed August 20, 2014 - 72
                      Selected by Jerry Leyendecker
       Dan,  you were a good man and a good friend.  We'll miss you.
                
            Today is Dan's day.  If you have a story to share please                                             share it with us.  

Till Next Week 

Harv

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