Our team of award-winning Investigative Reporters, is following up on several reports concerning the race for the coveted position of "Coachmen" club mascot, which, we have learned, is still being evaluated behind the scenes by elite members of the "Club", i. e., to mascot or mascnot, that seems to be the question, whether it is better to... well, the literate will remember the rest.
It is truly fascinating to watch such bitter competition over something that doesn't even exist... but that's politics, it's sorta like the "American Dream". But enough. Tantalizing reports also have it that "Fluffy" the squirrel and the MuscleCarMan dolly were observed cavorting together naked in a forest somewhere in not so balmy Wisconsin! Our SucksNews team of award-winning Investigative Reporters have not been able to confirm these reports as none of the sources proved to be reliable. Meanwhile, neither candidate has offered to speak on the record! And, their campaign reps remain in a deep freeze.
Pundits, however, speculate that these rumors, although unsubstantiated, have caused the "Club" such negative "blowback" that it might curtail consideration of the mascot idea for the time being. Will the "Club" remain firm? or, will it wilt under the pressure to perform? We'll just have to wait and see...
Whatever the news, SuckNews will report it... true or not! We are an equal opportunity news service, so, stay tuned for the latest on whatever...24/7 news when you want it, whether you want it or not! If you hate the news and think news sucks, SucksNews is the leader!
On Friday, January 31, 2014 9:22 AM, "SharonMagnusson@aol.com" <SharonMagnusson@aol.com> wrote:
SucksNews has just learned that Fluffy and MuscleCarMan, who has been accused of being a Metrosexual, were seen leaving the Magnusson woods together early this morning. When asked whether either of them wished to comment, all Fluffy would say is that they were simply sharing their nuts. SucksNews will continue to investigate, but doubts whether they will be able to dig their way out of this one. Could this put an end to both of their political careers?
Stay tuned...more to come from our southern correspondent, JCL.