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Suck's News  11/20/2017

11/20/2017

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​A JL Production
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Sooo what's your sign! . . . I don't know . . but if I did I'd paint it on a large piece of plywood and beat you over the head with it! . . . Ohhh! are we "a bit sensitive"? . . . No! I just find you "a bit repulsive"!


Signs of the Times!


A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READs:
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.
 
A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
“Blind man driving.”
 
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
 
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels.”
 
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
 
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.”
 
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed.”
 
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
 
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout.”
 
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts.”
 
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”
 
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push.”
 
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”
 
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
 
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
 
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.  However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”
 
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
 
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”
 
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.”
 
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak.”
 
And the best one for last…;
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises”
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Suck's News 11/13/2017

11/13/2017

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​A JL Production
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I personally think this whole technology thing has gone way too far! . . . Me too! . . . That last one is SCARY!!!
Think technology isn't affecting your life???  Well take another look!                                                                       Seriously!!

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Did not see that coming!
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Sucks News  11/06/2017

11/6/2017

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A JL Production
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Who is this JL guy anyway? . . . I don't know but he seems to be pretty smart . . So who died and made you so smart? . . I think it would have had to be everybody!
Most of our generation of 60+ were  
                                              HOME SCHOOLED 
                                                              
in many ways.

 
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 
                                               /OR/

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why   .

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."


14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father.

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand
​.
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
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